Hello Sonya,
I'm 22 years of age, have a very good job, and I don't live at home any longer but my mother is so overbearing and over the top. She expects me to call her every single day to let her know I'm home and if I don't come home at my normal time she's all over me and to top off everything, I've been seeing a guy for about 2 weeks and I haven't told her about him as of yet. I went out to dinner with this new guy and I guess one of her noise friends was at the restaurant and went back and told my mother she saw me out with a very nice looking young man. Sonya, now my mother is demanding to meet him and because I said no, she shows up every single Friday and waits. How do I handle such a relationship and person as she is?
Signed: Over Ruled-Cleveland, Ohio
Dear Over-Ruled, let me say thank you for such a great question. I know that this can be very overwhelming trying to keep the proper respect for your parent and them, having the healthy proper respect for you as and adult is very important. Having a very controlling parent can feel like you're living each day in a 2 x 4 box and can give you unwanted and unwarranted stress. In this day and age we don't need any more stress than what we are dealing with on a day to day basis so, with this being said we need to help you take steps in lighting this burden that you're currently under with your mother.
Over-Ruled, many times and overbearing parent feels they are protecting you, and they may or may not even realize how they are making you feel because, this has become a pattern and a habit. I want to give you a few tips to try and see if maybe they can help you in regards to this issue:
1. Have and honest heart to heart: You many need to sit your mother down and let her know exactly what she is doing and how it makes you feel. Be calm, don't become argumentative, try not to raise your voice when she is not getting the point. Really listen to your mothers' responses and when she is speaking don't interrupt let her finish her point and then address them appropriately.
2. Recognize your Adulthood: Meaning you must stop acting as if you're still that young girl under your mothers care and looking for her approval. You must stop feeding into the idea that if you don't go along with your mother she will be hurt. You need to let her know there are boundaries that she must keep and meet in your relationship for her to respect you as the mature adult you've become.
3. Set boundaries: While you have her undivided attention this is the perfect time for you to set boundaries. You need to let her know what you are comfortable with her knowing and not know. Prime example: you will let her know if and when your relationship with this person is serious enough for her to meet him and only at that time will you introduce them.
4. You don't appreciate spies : Tell your mother you do not appreciate her friends nor her spying on you. From her camping out in your living-room every Friday, to her girls calling and telling they see you out on dates and not even having the decency to come and speak to you. Let her know by no means will this be and excepted and if her girlfriends do call and say they see you out, you'd appreciate her calling you and not camping out at your home. Over-Ruled you have to STOP feeling as if you owe the chatting circuit and explanation to your life.
My finale suggestion is if you don't feel you can speak with her regarding this matter because, you don't want the over reaction or you feel you may not express yourself in and effective manner, you may consider writing her a nice letter. Take your time with this letter so, that you come off clear and not emotional. You want her to hear the mature adult you are and how you'd loved to have a healthy adult relationship with her. You want her to realize treating you as if you are still a child under her roof isn't going to bring you nor her closer and it will only alienate you from her and your life which wouldn't benefit either of you.
Over-Ruled, this can be a very difficult topic and it also may take your mother a moment to adjust to this NEW way of thinking and acting. Don't forget for most of your life this woman "Mom" has cared for you and loved you with every fiber of her being. Her not knowing something about you may feel like she is loosing you but, it's helping her to learn healthy boundaries which will promote a healthy and loving relationship.
I hope this helps you out some and I'm wishing you all the best!!
XOXOXO!!
Sonya LaRae- Certified Lifestyle Coach
This article is property of LaPaz Image/Event Consultants and copyrights of WhispersinaBottle.weebly.com © 2013. It is prohibited by law to copy, add or release this information without signed authorization of the so said company herein listed in this article under the laws of The United States and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Copyright Infringement Laws
I'm 22 years of age, have a very good job, and I don't live at home any longer but my mother is so overbearing and over the top. She expects me to call her every single day to let her know I'm home and if I don't come home at my normal time she's all over me and to top off everything, I've been seeing a guy for about 2 weeks and I haven't told her about him as of yet. I went out to dinner with this new guy and I guess one of her noise friends was at the restaurant and went back and told my mother she saw me out with a very nice looking young man. Sonya, now my mother is demanding to meet him and because I said no, she shows up every single Friday and waits. How do I handle such a relationship and person as she is?
Signed: Over Ruled-Cleveland, Ohio
Dear Over-Ruled, let me say thank you for such a great question. I know that this can be very overwhelming trying to keep the proper respect for your parent and them, having the healthy proper respect for you as and adult is very important. Having a very controlling parent can feel like you're living each day in a 2 x 4 box and can give you unwanted and unwarranted stress. In this day and age we don't need any more stress than what we are dealing with on a day to day basis so, with this being said we need to help you take steps in lighting this burden that you're currently under with your mother.
Over-Ruled, many times and overbearing parent feels they are protecting you, and they may or may not even realize how they are making you feel because, this has become a pattern and a habit. I want to give you a few tips to try and see if maybe they can help you in regards to this issue:
1. Have and honest heart to heart: You many need to sit your mother down and let her know exactly what she is doing and how it makes you feel. Be calm, don't become argumentative, try not to raise your voice when she is not getting the point. Really listen to your mothers' responses and when she is speaking don't interrupt let her finish her point and then address them appropriately.
2. Recognize your Adulthood: Meaning you must stop acting as if you're still that young girl under your mothers care and looking for her approval. You must stop feeding into the idea that if you don't go along with your mother she will be hurt. You need to let her know there are boundaries that she must keep and meet in your relationship for her to respect you as the mature adult you've become.
3. Set boundaries: While you have her undivided attention this is the perfect time for you to set boundaries. You need to let her know what you are comfortable with her knowing and not know. Prime example: you will let her know if and when your relationship with this person is serious enough for her to meet him and only at that time will you introduce them.
4. You don't appreciate spies : Tell your mother you do not appreciate her friends nor her spying on you. From her camping out in your living-room every Friday, to her girls calling and telling they see you out on dates and not even having the decency to come and speak to you. Let her know by no means will this be and excepted and if her girlfriends do call and say they see you out, you'd appreciate her calling you and not camping out at your home. Over-Ruled you have to STOP feeling as if you owe the chatting circuit and explanation to your life.
My finale suggestion is if you don't feel you can speak with her regarding this matter because, you don't want the over reaction or you feel you may not express yourself in and effective manner, you may consider writing her a nice letter. Take your time with this letter so, that you come off clear and not emotional. You want her to hear the mature adult you are and how you'd loved to have a healthy adult relationship with her. You want her to realize treating you as if you are still a child under her roof isn't going to bring you nor her closer and it will only alienate you from her and your life which wouldn't benefit either of you.
Over-Ruled, this can be a very difficult topic and it also may take your mother a moment to adjust to this NEW way of thinking and acting. Don't forget for most of your life this woman "Mom" has cared for you and loved you with every fiber of her being. Her not knowing something about you may feel like she is loosing you but, it's helping her to learn healthy boundaries which will promote a healthy and loving relationship.
I hope this helps you out some and I'm wishing you all the best!!
XOXOXO!!
Sonya LaRae- Certified Lifestyle Coach
This article is property of LaPaz Image/Event Consultants and copyrights of WhispersinaBottle.weebly.com © 2013. It is prohibited by law to copy, add or release this information without signed authorization of the so said company herein listed in this article under the laws of The United States and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Copyright Infringement Laws
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Photographs Used In Article: Google.com and LaPaz Image/Event Consultants
Join our sister site Lapazimageing Fashion Forward http://www.lapazimageingfashion.blogspot.com
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