Hello Sonya,
I've been divorced for about 2 years because, my husband cheated on me and, I find myself still unable to forgive my husband. How can I forgive and move forward?
Signed: Diane-New Orleans, LA
Diane, thank you so much for this question-You would not believe how many people men and women a like, are going through this exact same thing. I know you must be hurt because, this is the worst kind of betrayal that can happen between mates. Diane, first I see you still refer to your ex; as you husband, which also shows me you still have feelings for him contrary to what you may say or tell others. When you've been divorced for 2 years and you still cannot use the "EX" word says, that you haven't started to deal with your feelings yet. Diane, forgiving a cheater by far isn't easy and you have to give yourself time to heal and to process exactly what has taken place. Everything that you knew and had is gone, the person that you thought you'd grow old with and travel the world with is now like the "Enemy." You'll have to try a few things that will help you start to move into the forgiveness realm and the biggest part of letting go.
Diane, let's start by looking at a few tips that you can start trying:
1. Decide if you should forgive the cheater: If you have a child its a good idea to try and forgive because, you must think of your child(rens) well being. This is when you must put aside all the anger and wrath because, now you both need to nurture your child and let them know that no matter what, they ARE NOT the problem nor the issue. If you do not have children then it becomes a factor of do you need to forgive this person because, you all have business ties or maybe just to give you the freedom to move forward in your life. This is strictly your choice and no one and I mean NO one can tell you to forgive or not to forgive.
2. Give yourself time: Time is your friend- Let me say this again, T.I.M.E. IS YOUR FRIEND!! No matter how long or short its been if you still have a lot of anger, you need to deal with your emotions first. Your mental/emotional health is always the priority. By allowing yourself time to process this can help in forgiving and in the healing process.
3. Don't blame yourself: This really seems like a no-brainer but, so many take on the blame, feels as if you're not attractive or what could I've done differently. Pointblank your significant other cheated and that's his fault. Nothing you did or didn't do was warranted or gave him/her permission to betray your vows. I don't care if you wasn't always the best but, neither was he, and you didn't cheat on him you valued what you all had. Take this burden off of yourself, don't make yourself a martyr that will only kill your spirit and will only place doubt into your mind, heart and next relationship. You owe this to yourself and by putting the blame where it needs to be will keep you moving forward.
4. Be honest: This means speak your feelings say I'm hurt and you betrayed everything I thought I knew about you and what I thought your values where. I don't appreciate what you've done to us and it's going to take me a moment to come back from this. When you speak your honest feelings it allows you to hear yourself and hear that you're not the person who needs to apologize. The cheater wants you to brush it off so they don't have to honestly deal with the hurt they've caused. They want to forget that they destroyed everything that you all built and the best way to do this is to try and act as if nothing took place. Its totally on them and you being honest will make that person have to take on accountability.
Diane, I know at this time it feels as if you'll never be able to forgive and move on but, once you deal with your emotions and feelings you'll see, forgiveness will become easier and easier each day. i hope I've helped you a little and please, I look forward to hearing your feedback.
Do you have a question you'd like to ask me? Please feel free to either complete the form her on the site or simply email me at: [email protected]
This article is property of LaPaz Image/Event Consultants and copyrights of WhispersinaBottle.weebly.com © 2013. It is prohibited by law to copy, add or release this information without signed authorization of the so said company herein listed in this article under the laws of The United States and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Copyright Infringement Laws
I've been divorced for about 2 years because, my husband cheated on me and, I find myself still unable to forgive my husband. How can I forgive and move forward?
Signed: Diane-New Orleans, LA
Diane, thank you so much for this question-You would not believe how many people men and women a like, are going through this exact same thing. I know you must be hurt because, this is the worst kind of betrayal that can happen between mates. Diane, first I see you still refer to your ex; as you husband, which also shows me you still have feelings for him contrary to what you may say or tell others. When you've been divorced for 2 years and you still cannot use the "EX" word says, that you haven't started to deal with your feelings yet. Diane, forgiving a cheater by far isn't easy and you have to give yourself time to heal and to process exactly what has taken place. Everything that you knew and had is gone, the person that you thought you'd grow old with and travel the world with is now like the "Enemy." You'll have to try a few things that will help you start to move into the forgiveness realm and the biggest part of letting go.
Diane, let's start by looking at a few tips that you can start trying:
1. Decide if you should forgive the cheater: If you have a child its a good idea to try and forgive because, you must think of your child(rens) well being. This is when you must put aside all the anger and wrath because, now you both need to nurture your child and let them know that no matter what, they ARE NOT the problem nor the issue. If you do not have children then it becomes a factor of do you need to forgive this person because, you all have business ties or maybe just to give you the freedom to move forward in your life. This is strictly your choice and no one and I mean NO one can tell you to forgive or not to forgive.
2. Give yourself time: Time is your friend- Let me say this again, T.I.M.E. IS YOUR FRIEND!! No matter how long or short its been if you still have a lot of anger, you need to deal with your emotions first. Your mental/emotional health is always the priority. By allowing yourself time to process this can help in forgiving and in the healing process.
3. Don't blame yourself: This really seems like a no-brainer but, so many take on the blame, feels as if you're not attractive or what could I've done differently. Pointblank your significant other cheated and that's his fault. Nothing you did or didn't do was warranted or gave him/her permission to betray your vows. I don't care if you wasn't always the best but, neither was he, and you didn't cheat on him you valued what you all had. Take this burden off of yourself, don't make yourself a martyr that will only kill your spirit and will only place doubt into your mind, heart and next relationship. You owe this to yourself and by putting the blame where it needs to be will keep you moving forward.
4. Be honest: This means speak your feelings say I'm hurt and you betrayed everything I thought I knew about you and what I thought your values where. I don't appreciate what you've done to us and it's going to take me a moment to come back from this. When you speak your honest feelings it allows you to hear yourself and hear that you're not the person who needs to apologize. The cheater wants you to brush it off so they don't have to honestly deal with the hurt they've caused. They want to forget that they destroyed everything that you all built and the best way to do this is to try and act as if nothing took place. Its totally on them and you being honest will make that person have to take on accountability.
Diane, I know at this time it feels as if you'll never be able to forgive and move on but, once you deal with your emotions and feelings you'll see, forgiveness will become easier and easier each day. i hope I've helped you a little and please, I look forward to hearing your feedback.
Do you have a question you'd like to ask me? Please feel free to either complete the form her on the site or simply email me at: [email protected]
This article is property of LaPaz Image/Event Consultants and copyrights of WhispersinaBottle.weebly.com © 2013. It is prohibited by law to copy, add or release this information without signed authorization of the so said company herein listed in this article under the laws of The United States and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Copyright Infringement Laws
DISCLAIMER STATEMENT: Whispers in a Bottle is dedicated to helping you with your everyday situations. The information in these post/articles are for personal and entertainment use and, all decisions are your own. Where as Sonya LaRae, Whispers in a Bottle, Lapazimageing Fashion Forward and LaPaz Image/Event Consultants will not be held accountable for any such actions you take.
Photographs Used In Article: Google.com and LaPaz Image/Event Consultants
Join our sister site Lapazimageing Fashion Forward http://www.lapazimageingfashion.blogspot.com
Photographs Used In Article: Google.com and LaPaz Image/Event Consultants
Join our sister site Lapazimageing Fashion Forward http://www.lapazimageingfashion.blogspot.com
RSS Feed